


dude, we're getting the band back together

by 99yeon



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, angsty overtones, fake band!au, push and pull, roadtrip au uwu, will they wont they
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:39:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/99yeon/pseuds/99yeon
Summary: seven years after the best time of their lives, they reconnect to soothe old wounds, and is tradition with them, inadvertently open up new ones.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> after literal months of writer's block and trawling tumblr for prompts... i saw a reddit comment about "getting the band back together" and... here it is

This isn't how Jihyo imagined she would see Nayeon again. In her dreams, it was always her on Nayeon's doorstep, grinning ear-to-ear because she'd finally mustered the courage to talk to Nayeon again.

 

She'd have a box of takeout in her hands and a list of suggestions for the shows they should binge watch together, in front of Nayeon's crappy TV and with the volume turned all the way down because of that bitch neighbour Nayeon has.

 

The last time she even thought about Nayeon-- when was that? A year, two years?

 

(A day, two days?)

 

The harsh pounding at her door is what rouses her from her restless sleep. And standing at her doorstep, under the pouring rain, stands Nayeon, her eyes wild and her entire body trembling.

 

With Nayeon come the memories. She can't help it - neither of them can - but Nayeon has always been a force of her own, bringing her own particular flavour or tastes that everyone else just has to learn to live with. Jihyo knows that all too well. Seeing Nayeon after all these years makes Jihyo feel like a child again.

 

The questions she'd thought she'd ask Nayeon fall dead at her feet. She had planned all these witty, cruel questions for Nayeon, expertly crafted things like _Did you ever think about how many people you hurt?_ She still has them written down somewhere, because Jeongyeon had told her that it would be useful to channel all that anger somewhere.

 

She can't find it in herself to be witty now. She doesn't know what possesses her, because she steps back, opens the door wide, and beckons Nayeon in. She works on autopilot, rifling through a drawer for a towel and a change of clothes (Nayeon's lost a ton of weight since she last saw her, but Jihyo figures that won't affect how similar in size they are).

 

She ends up picking a baby blue towel for Nayeon - it's her favourite colour. She gets her favourite pair of pyjamas out for her, too. Her heartbeat pulses in her ears the entire time.  

 

Dripping wet, Nayeon gingerly closes the front door, standing in front of it as if she's afraid to go anywhere else.

 

Eventually, Jihyo comes back with the towel and clothes, and silently shows her to the bathroom so she can get changed. She flips the lightswitch and closes the door, disappearing into the hallway.

 

Not a word is exchanged between them.

 

This is just one of those things that reroutes your life in the moment, whether you like it or not, and Jihyo can barely catch her breath.

 

She still presses on, showing Nayeon to the bathroom. Her lips are tight and pursed the entire time, masking the tell-tale pounding in her chest.

 

As the door to the bathroom closes, Jihyo slumps into the couch, and does the only thing she can think of - she calls Jeongyeon.

 

-

 

There are books splayed across Jeongyeon's desk, and music playing softly through earbuds, but they've been long forgotten. She has a small portable No-Face fan going, too, and Sana's the one to switch it off as she shoves her onto her mattress. Sana stumbles after her, kicking off her shoes like a trophy, and pouncing onto Jeongyeon.

 

Jeongyeon can only grin into the kiss Sana initiates. Sana's hands tear at Jeongyeon's clothes, the younger girl no doubt forgetting that Jeongyeon will have to replace those later, but she doesn't mind.

 

"What are you smiling about?" Sana pants, finally drawing away for breath. Her heavy breathing slows as Jeongyeon just keeps grinning up at her, the lazy smirk morphing into a pout, "Are you hiding something from me?"

 

Jeongyeon laughs, eyes crinkling, and Sana moves to straddle her. Her fingers are poised dangerously close to Jeongyeon's stomach. Sana watches her girlfriend's eyes widen in alarm.

 

"You wouldn't," Jeongyeon gapes, trying to squirm away, but to no avail.

 

"I absolutely would," Sana disagrees, and presses her fingers into Jeongyeon's midriff tentatively. She feels the muscles there twitch, and fixes Jeongyeon with her most threatening look, already enjoying the feeling. Sana has a thing for getting Jeongyeon underneath her, and Jeongyeon has a thing about being pinned beneath Sana - she says it means they're really meant to be together. 

 

Jeongyeon's also always had a flair for the dramatic. She screams, loudly, the moment Sana's cold fingers come into contact with her skin. "No!"

 

"I didn't even do anything," replies Sana, though she's laughing helplessly now at Jeongyeon's ridiculous response, the intense atmosphere they'd just shared dissolving. Neither of them mind - they'll get it back soon enough. "What is up with you, Yoo Jeongyeon?"

 

"Nothing," Jeongyeon insists. She's smiling, and beneath Sana, she looks absolutely beautiful. Sana has always known that about her, even though it took Jeongyeon a little while to come into it, but she thinks she looks especially pretty now. She opens her mouth to tell Jeongyeon as such, but is cut off.

 

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am. You're so hot." She is grinning like an _idiot._

 

Sana huffs, narrowing her eyes, "Is that all you like me for? My goddess-like body?" Her fingers press dangerously into Jeongyeon again, and the girl squeaks.

 

"I like you all ways," she says, mysteriously, and Sana rolls her eyes. Hanging out with Chaeyoung has made Jeongyeon more romantic, but also a lot more fake deep. She had to hear Jeongyeon's attempts at romantic slam poetry for a straight week when Chaeyoung got Jeongyeon into it. It was cute, but Sana heard enough uses of the word 'orb' for a lifetime.

 

"Hey," Jeongyeon says softly, her hand coming up to smooth against Sana's cheek, "I love you."

 

There's also this thing with Jeongyeon. She is so _nice_ and so understanding. She's the most fun person in the world to be with, because she always comes up with new ideas and things for them to try out. She's introspective and witty, effortlessly charming, and she must be the love of Sana's life.

 

There's just this one thing-

 

 _I love you_ is Jeongyeon's favourite thing to say. She'd looked almost apologetic the first time it happened, but then it had become habit for when Sana got her guard down, when she was vulnerable, exposed for Sana. She's given Sana more intimacy than she deserves.

 

It's just that-

 

Sana's voice dies in her throat.

 

Jeongyeon's phone rings. Sana gets off Jeongyeon, silently, and tries to apologize. Jeongyeon only smiles and shakes her head, going over to her desk to retrieve her phone.

 

As Jeongyeon takes the call, Sana stares at her feet and wonders when it all went wrong.

 

-

 

 **momo:** youre at jihyos place?? her bathroom???? why????

              have you even spoken to her recently??

              why didnt you just come over to my place??

 **Nayeon** : I don't know

                I don't know how I'm going to get out of this

                Okay what if I just change and make a run for it

 **momo** : yeah!! you could do that... self care    

 

-

 

Setting her phone down, Nayeon stares at herself in the mirror. Turning to Momo for comfort has become a knee-jerk reaction these days. Momo was the one Nayeon had texted after she failed her driver's exam last year, and the one she'd called after she broke up with Mina.

 

It's an unlikely friendship - a chaotic party animal and the bubbly owner of a stationery shop - but they make it work. They _do_ have something in common - neither of them have gone anywhere in life. They're still stuck in the same city, doing the same things they did when they were eighteen, acting the same ways, with the same people.

 

(There are a few people who aren't by Nayeon's side any more, but she tends to block those thoughts out.)

 

She's so, _so_ dissatisfied.

 

In retrospect, it was this exactly pattern of dissatisfaction that brought Nayeon to Jihyo's home at two AM on a Friday morning. Any sane person would have headed to a friend's home. Momo's apartment isn't too far from here, and Nayeon knows she wouldn't have minded if she showed up. Jihyo's home is out of the way, and yet Nayeon came here. And for what?

 

The consequences of her actions are slowly coming back to her, as they always do. She does things and thinks about how they affect her later, embarrassing as that might be. It's always gotten her into trouble. Tonight is no exception. She sets her hands on the counter, and squeezes her eyes shut.

 

Maybe, if she blocks everything out, she'll be brought back to the road outside Jihyo's window, staring up and wondering whether she should go in. Maybe, if she was given another chance, she would realize it was utterly insane of her to appear on the doorstep of a girl she hasn't spoken to in seven years.

 

And maybe, if she could redo things, it wouldn't have been seven years since they last spoke.

 

There is a soft rap on the door. Nayeon jumps at the sound of Jihyo's voice.

 

"Nayeon?"

 

The first word Jihyo says to her - the first time she says her name - is filled with a treacherous mix of pity and apprehension. The handle clicks as Jihyo tries to turn it.

 

"Oh," Jihyo murmurs, "You're still here."

 

The mocking voice comes to Nayeon, almost too fast this time.

 

_She thinks you left._

_Again._

_She thinks you ran away again._

_You were going to._

Somehow, Nayeon finds her voice, and calls back, "Yeah, I am."

 

She hears footsteps trailing off, no doubt Jihyo returning to wherever she came from, and Nayeon sets her jaw. It's a combination of foolhardy bravery and determination that fuels her decision to change into the new set of clothes, and make a decision.

 

She's tempted to fire off another text to Momo, but she stops herself.

 

This is something she has to do on her own.

 

She tells herself how brave she is for doing this and opens the door, dumping her pile of wet clothes into Jihyo's hamper.

 

(Why did she do that?)

 

The first thing she notices is how warm it is. She hadn't felt it when she first stepped in, given the fact that she was drenched and freezing cold, but the entire home is warm and cosy. Jihyo is almost constantly cold, and must've compensated for it by turning up the heat in here.

 

She was the same back then. She'd snuggle herself in between Nayeon and Jeongyeon and put her hand up their sleeves for warmth. They'd complain about how she had ice blocks for hands, and she would just pout and do it some more.

 

She finds Jihyo in the living room. It's in a deeper part of the house, a straight walk from the front door. Nayeon finds herself at a loss for words as she approaches her. Jihyo is on her phone, the pale blue glow of the screen illuminating her face, but puts it away the moment she sees Nayeon coming.

 

Nayeon gulps at the feeling of Jihyo's eyes on her. It's intense, and heady, and makes Nayeon feel things she hasn't felt in a long time. Shame, embarrassment, _guilt_ , even.

 

Now that's a feeling she hasn't thought about in a while.

For the last time tonight, she evaluates her options, and realizes she has none left. She can't run any further.

 

Jihyo sighs, as if she can see the cogs and gears turning in Nayeon's brain. She's always had a way of seeing through Nayeon, been good at looking straight through Nayeon, right into her brain.

 

"It's good to see you again," Nayeon croaks out, her voice catching on the last word.

 

Standing in front of Jihyo, dressed in Jihyo's clothes, cold and damp from the rain, she feels small.

 

Jihyo's the one staring up at her wordlessly, as if she's wondering whether she should deign to reply Nayeon. And this is what bothers Nayeon - she's used to being able to see through Jihyo with the same practiced ease. She knows what drives Jihyo. She's sure of it. But not right now. Right now, she's masked, hidden from Nayeon in a way that is driving her insane.

 

Defeatedly, she tries again, "Jihyo, I need to-"

 

She's cut off by the doorbell. Silently, she thanks the intrusion - she's not sure what she would've said. Nayeon isn't too sure about her control over her mouth right now.

 

Jihyo strides past her to answer the door, leaving Nayeon to think about how she's going to get herself out of this one.

 

-

 

We haven't seen each other in so long. I know you're busy and so am I, but let's get lunch some day, okay?

 

Sana likes writing letters. She'll find cute or novelty letter-writing paper, usually from one of those craft shops in Gangnam, and send them to Momo with messages on them, telling her that she should stock her store with paper like this.

 

It's become a thing. Momo never writes back because she doesn't live in the eighteenth century, but acknowledges receiving them whenever they appear in her mailbox.

 

("We can text," Momo had argued once, after Sana'd sent to her an entire month's worth of letters at one go, "It'll save on stamps!"

 

"Just let me have this, Momoring," Sana had replied, sweetly, and Momo had.)  

 

Last month, it was a thick letter-writing paper that was fringed with gold leaf, enclosed in a navy blue envelope. Sana seems to have a knack for knowing Momo's taste - she'd adored the design and had immediately put in an order for it to stock her store with. A week ago, it was a pop-up letter that unfolded an entire sachet of glitter into Momo's lap upon opening. She'd called Sana up and half-heartedly told her off for messing up her clothes.

 

The truth is that there isn't much to mess up, and if her clothes were messed up, it wouldn't matter. No one really comes in here - her store is in a sparsely-visited corner of a barely-visited mall, and the ones who do come in don't buy anything. She's lucky to have five people come in in a day.

 

She supposes she only has herself to blame. Momo knows she'd be in a better place now if she hadn't done what she did all those years ago, and these regrets come up at least once a day. If only she hadn't dropped out in her final year of high school, if only she hadn't decided to helm her parents' store instead of pursuing greener pastures, if only she hadn't joined the band-

 

No, no, _no._ She isn't supposed to think about that. She isn't supposed to regret that.  

  
And she doesn't. She never has. The time they spent together (and not the half-assed group chat they'd tried to keep alive after Jihyo got hurt and Momo left. She means the _real_ time, when they were happy and only needed each other) is something she can't think about negatively, not even for a moment. It's the one thing in her life she didn't fuck up.

 

_...And if there's anything wrong, call me straightaway. I know people say it but don't mean it but I mean it!! With every fibre of my being!!_

"Sana?"

 

" _Momo,"_ comes Sana's voice, _"Nayeon stabbed someone."_

-

 

" _She what?"_ Momo says, very calmly. Then she repeats in a voice that feels five octaves higher, " _She stabbed a person?"_

Sana bites her lip. She's seated in the car, parked outside Jihyo's place. Jeongyeon had rushed out to grab the box of tissues, and mentioned something about Nayeon, and Jihyo, and how tense things were in there and how she needed to get back in ASAP to soothe the situation. Then she'd said that Nayeon stabbed someone, and that was why she was at Jihyo's in the first place. The rest is a blur.

 

Technically, she should be in there too, but something feels off. This feels like something for Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo - something exclusive shared among the three of them. It'd been like that seven years ago, too. All five of them were close, but the three of them had a different sort of bond, something so intimate and incomprehensible to Momo and Sana that they decided it would be best to leave them to it.

 

True to form, Sana decided to leave them to it, and dialed Momo.

 

Hearing Momo's voice again is funny. They rarely talk on the phone these days, limiting their interactions to texts and the letters, but Sana treasures every moment she gets with Momo. She sinks into her seat with relief the moment Momo answers the phone. She doesn't know what she would've done if Momo hadn't picked up.

 

(She misses Momo. Dearly.)

 

"Yeah. I don't know much, though. I'm just waiting outside Jihyo's place right now, because it's a-"

 

" _It's a 'them' thing_ ," Momo replies at the same time, chorusing with Sana, and Sana tries not to smile too hard.

 

"Yeah."

 

" _This sounds serious, though_ ," and Sana can hear the frown in her voice. She shrugs, forgetting that Momo can't see her, just basking in the feeling of talking to Momo.

 

The gravity of the situation hasn't sunk in yet. They've all spent so much time apart that it's hard to grasp that this is real, and that three people who Sana thought could never stand to be in the same room again are actively talking.

 

Her eighteen year-old self would be appalled to know that Sana's waiting outside Jihyo's door instead of actively intervening in the situation. Or that she and Momo aren't even physically together now, and instead are on the phone with each other like a pair of people who don't care enough about each other to try to meet.

 

It's not her fault, or Momo's. They're _busy-_

 

Sana knows it's a shitty excuse, seeing as that they're all still in the same city they were in when they were eighteen. But it's not as simple as that. She should want to see Momo more - she does. It's hard to make things happen, because things aren't like what they were when they were eighteen.

 

And this goes for all five of them - they might still be in the same city, but their lives couldn't have turned out more different. Sana has Jeongyeon now, and Momo has her business to run. Jeongyeon has her master's degree that she's working towards and a job with her name on it at her father's firm. Jihyo has a good job and is doing well for herself. Nayeon has... Sana isn't sure. She hasn't heard from Nayeon in a long, long while.

 

Truth be told, she doesn't know much about Jihyo's up to either - she only hears news about her via Jeongyeon. Jeongyeon and Momo are the only ones whose lives Sana actively keeps up with. She doesn't know if she should feel bad about it.

 

"I'm going to stay outside a while longer and go in if I hear screaming," Sana jokes.

 

" _Oh yeah?"_ Momo laughs, " _Skype me when you go in!"_

"You should come over, you know. It could be a reunion." Sana is laughing when she says it, but Momo knows her better than to think she's joking.

 

" _It's three AM."_

"So?"

 

A mock-defeated sigh, " _You're right. I don't have anything else to do. I'll be over in a bit!"_

Her heart soars, and she has to manually make her mouth work. "Really?" 

 

" _Yup. See you_ ," Momo echoes, " _I love you!"_

(How do you say things like that so lightly?)

"I love you too," Sana says, and hangs up.

 

-

 

"Maybe we should all just go to bed," Jeongyeon suggests, in a move that has both Nayeon and Jihyo shifting uncomfortably. "We can talk about this in the morning."

 

"Jeong, she-" Jihyo gestures in Nayeon's direction, uncharacteristically riled up. Nayeon visibly twitches at the way Jihyo refuses to even refer to her by name, but says nothing else. She hasn't said anything else since Jeongyeon came in, nothing after her initial confession of what she'd done, just stood here and listened to the two of them go back and forth. "She _hurt_ someone."

 

Jeongyeon isn't used to this. Jihyo has always been the peacemaker amongst the three of them. She was the one to soothe Nayeon and Jeongyeon's warring tempers whenever they butted heads, whether it was over what songs they should perform in their set or what colour their instrument cases should be, for the sole reason that she knew how best to placate them.

 

("Nayeon, your anger is entirely reactive. Jeongyeon, stop disagreeing with Nayeon for the sake of it." And that would be the end of it, with both girls walking around with their tails between their legs until the next argument.)

 

Like everything else, they've changed. Jeongyeon's temper cooled, and Jihyo's now burns brighter than ever.

 

"We're all a little agitated right now," she says slowly. "It's not the best time for this."

 

When will it ever be a good time? It's not every day that your best friend from high school re-enters your life and tells you, very candidly, that she stabbed a guy and that she needs to hide before the cops find her.

 

"Yeah," Nayeon says quietly, and Jeongyeon wonders if maybe, just maybe, Nayeon's changed too. She stares at her feet, docile and tame for possibly the first time in her life, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here. I'll go."

 

"So you're running again," Jihyo scoffs, "I'm not surprised."

 

Jeongyeon's eyes widen in alarm. "Jihyo-"

 

"No," Jihyo snaps back, irritable and visibly pissed off. She raises a trembling hand to point accusatorily at Nayeon, "You did this before, and now you're doing it again, Nayeon. When the going gets tough, you get going, and you have no regard for how it affects the people around you. You think you can just go now? When you came into _my_ home, came back into _my_ life and dragged _me_ into this situation?"

 

There's a deadly silence in the air, and Jeongyeon warily eyes Nayeon, expecting the oldest woman to have some cruel retort for Jihyo. She only takes the abuse Jihyo rains down on her, fists clenched by her side, eyes pained and sad.

 

"You're a coward, Nayeon," Jihyo growls, ignoring Jeongyeon's attempts to calm her down. "You always have been, and you always will be."

 

Nayeon's head snaps up, her face contorted into a snarl.

 

"Will you _get over yourself?_ I gave you seven years to heal. That's more than enough-" 

 

"You didn't give me anything!" Jihyo shouts, " _You_ left _me_!"

 

Nayeon shakes her head angrily, a bitter smile forming on her lips. "I knew I shouldn't have come."  

 

"Why _did_ you come here?" Jeongyeon asks, unable to contain her curiosity. She's aware that this isn't the best time, but she's had enough of watching her two friends fight it out. Jihyo is still breathing heavily from the exertion of yelling at Nayeon, and Nayeon looks positively murderous.

 

(In retrospect, their reunion could really only have gone one way: Nayeon messing things up, and Jihyo's repressed, forgotten emotions coming back to the surface, and Jeongyeon caught in the middle of all of it. Whichever way it went, it was doomed from the start to be ugly and combative and painful for everyone involved.)

 

Jeongyeon's question silences the two of them.

 

"We haven't spoken in years," Jeongyeon continues, "You had no reason to come."

 

Nayeon gives her a hard look, and Jeongyeon gets the feeling that if she keeps talking, she might unearth a secret Nayeon's trying to suppress.

 

"What is it you _really_ want, Nayeon?" Jihyo asks disgustedly.

 

The front door flies open, and Momo and Sana burst into the house.

 

"I know what I'm gonna do," Nayeon says slowly. If this was under any other circumstance, Jeongyeon would be delighted at this abrupt reunion. But this isn't a happy situation - they're in the middle of Jihyo's living room in the middle of the night, embroiled in an argument that is undoubtedly the result of unresolved problems from seven years ago, and Momo's a redhead now, apparently. (The last observation isn't good or bad, just something that Jeongyeon notes.) "I'm leaving the city. You're right - I _don't_ know why I came here. I guess I just wanted you to know." She directs the last part at Jihyo, and they share an intense moment of eye contact before Jihyo looks away.

 

That's how Jihyo looks when she's ashamed.

 

For someone who just came into the room, Momo catches on fast. "I'm going with you. You can't disappear alone."

 

"Just like that?" Jeongyeon blinks, "You're just going to up and leave with Nayeon?"

 

Momo shrugs, "Yeah, and if you would get off your high horse for a second, you'd understand."

 

-

 

Sana isn't sure what possesses her. Maybe it's the look in Nayeon's eyes, or the fact that she's looking into Nayeon's eyes at all. All she knows is that she won't lose another one of her friends again.

 

"I'm going with you, too. We can take my car." She shrugs on her coat, her mind one-track and focused entirely on the task at hand.

 

She doesn't even realize how Jeongyeon is looking at her until she hears, "Are you serious?"

 

Sana looks up, and locks eyes with Jeongyeon. An unspoken message passes between them.

 

_I can't do this any longer._

"Let's go."

 

"No, no," Jeongyeon cuts in, "I- I'll go too. I want to make sure you guys are safe. If this is what you want to do, then I'll do it. We can get Nayeon somewhere safe, and then we can figure out what to do next."

 

Four pair of eyes swivel to Jihyo, and she throws her head back and laughs.

 

"You think I'd just ditch my life for _you_?"

 

There she is again, doing the same thing Nayeon just did to her - it's like they forget there's anyone else in the room with them.

 

"Follow your heart," Nayeon snipes back.

 

Jihyo shakes her head, laughing again, in throaty, loose tones. "Fine. Let's go, then."  

 

-

 

And so this is how it begins - with them taking the few valuables they have and driving off into the night, in a car that can comfortably fit all of them, and at the same time feels too small. They don't know when they'll be back, or what they're going to do, and it's painfully reminiscent of the trips they'd made as teenagers.

 

As they make their way out of the city and into the unknown depths that lay ahead of them, it's obvious that the magnetism among the five of them never waned. The fact that they willingly (even if Jihyo's decision was more maniacal than anything) agreed to go off together shows that seven years later, nothing has changed. Even if everything else has, and even if things are harder now, nothing is different.

 

One thing has to be different, though, and that's how the trip ends.

 

Because if this ends the same way the last trip they took together did - that's something even the greatest force won't be able to salvage.


	2. Chapter 2

Jeongyeon offers to take the wheel, Nayeon gravitating towards the passenger seat beside her. Sana and Momo pile into the second row of seats, and Jihyo collapses into the last row - this is one of the few times she's grateful for Jeongyeon persuading Sana to get an SUV instead of a normal car like everyone else.

 

They make it all the way out of the city before any of them speaks. Jihyo has dozed off in the back seat. Momo gave up fiddling with her phone and opted to rest her head on Sana's shoulder, falling asleep in time.

 

"Jeongyeon," Sana yawns, "Can you turn down the heat? It's getting warm."

 

Jeongyeon jolts, her hand scrabbling for the temperature knob. Her brain is a little fuzzy, it's a little difficult for her to make sense of the car's controls right now. She's tired. "Give me a sec."

 

Nayeon turns it down before Jeongyeon even begins to find the knob.

 

"Thanks," comes Sana's sleepy voice, and then she's out like a light, leaving just Nayeon and Jeongyeon awake.

 

The silence they settle into mirrors their relationship - comfortable, secure, and non-demanding. Nayeon has always been a polarizing person, always either been intensely loved or hated, but what the two of them have is... good.

 

Things might have changed, but Jeongyeon has a feeling that they're already past that point.

 

"I can drive," Nayeon says. "You're falling asleep."

 

Jeongyeon doesn't argue, beginning to pull over so she and Nayeon can switch places. She feels a twinge of guilt for not suggesting this herself - she was putting the entire car, and other drivers, at risk by driving in her drowsy state.

 

"How are you so awake?" she asks, flabbergasted, throwing a glance at the dashboard. It's five AM, and Jeongyeon knows she'd be under the covers with Sana if they weren't in this situation.

 

She winces, thinking of her bed back home. Something tells her she won't be back for a while, even though she is all for turning tail and chasing comfort.

 

Nayeon shrugs, hopping out of the passenger's side as they pull to a stop. They exchange places, Jeongyeon melting into the passenger seat the moment she gets in. Momo coughs in her sleep, mumbling something incoherent and sprawling further across the seats.

 

"I noticed something," Nayeon says, careful, "You were taking the same route we did back then. When we were going-"

 

"-on tour," Jeongyeon finishes, laughing, scratching the back of her neck sheepishly, "I guess it was muscle memory."

 

Nayeon raises an eyebrow, "You haven't been out of the city since?"

 

Jeongyeon shrugs, her drowsiness abating with the question, replaced with a different feeling. "I mean... Yeah."

 

"Christ."

 

"What about you?" she asks, looking over to Nayeon, properly for the first time. She's been avoiding eye contact with Nayeon, feeling as if the slightest brush might set her alight, but the wee hours of the morning bestow upon her a newfound bravery.

 

She examines the lines on Nayeon's face that weren't there the last time she saw her, the creases that form when she frowns, the bags and dark circles which hang underneath her eyes. She's gotten older, of course, they all have, but Nayeon in particular seems to have aged past the reasonable scope of time, and into entirely foreign territory.

 

Nayeon had always said she wanted to be a vet - she was the proud owner of five dogs in high school, and had been voted "Most Likely to be a Person Beloved by All Dogs" in the yearbook. They lost contact fast, but maybe Nayeon went to vet school like she'd planned to, and became a full-fledged vet. Maybe that explains how tired and aged she looks now.

 

(Somehow, Jeongyeon knows that isn't it.)

 

It's been a long time since they talked. They'd tried to keep the communication lines open, and Jeongyeon even texted Nayeon her new number when she changed it. Things had fallen through - as they are bound to with Nayeon.

 

The only things she knows now are assumptions drawn from things that happened years ago, back when they were in their senior year and having the time of their lives. She'd kept in touch with Jihyo by sheer luck, and Momo by association with Sana, but Nayeon is a complete blank for her.

 

For the first time, Jeongyeon feels like she knows nothing about Nayeon.

 

At this point, they're no better than strangers. They used to be the closest of the five, equipped with a charming bickering-best-friends dynamic that endeared them to everyone around them (but mostly served to make the other three roll their eyes). And then the incident had happened, and Jeongyeon had sided with Jihyo, and they never spoke again.

 

In fact, she specifically remembers getting in Nayeon's face and telling her that she should never speak to Jeongyeon again, nor should she even consider it. She remembers the look of betrayal in Nayeon's eyes, and she especially remembers what Nayeon had told her- that-

 

 _"You were the one person I thought would stick with me forever, Jeong. Guess I was wrong._ "

 

Now, a completely different woman sits in the seat beside her, calmly navigating Sana's car while staring straight ahead. She seems to have forgotten everything that went down between them. Either that, or she's not acknowledging it. Or perhaps she's just waiting for an appropriate avenue to bring it up again, so she can lambaste Jeongyeon for all the mistakes she made.

 

This is fine, Jeongyeon tells herself. If she pretends it doesn't exist, then maybe it will fade out of existence and disappear into the nether, and the events of their senior year will turn out to have been an intense fever dream.

 

Unfortunately, this is real. Jeongyeon can tell because the engine is making that annoying clicking sound again, and Nayeon is making a conspicuous effort to look away, and she's going to fall asleep.

 

"I've been out and about. I went to college for a while. It was nice - I was a history major." Nayeon says suddenly, replying to the question Jeongyeon forgot she even asked.

 

Jeongyeon bursts out laughing, "You? A history major? No way. You asked me _if World War I was so good then why did they make a second one_?"

 

"Yeah, well, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life," Nayeon chuckles, "I hung out with the arts kids for a full year before realizing I wanted to do zoology."

 

"To become a vet?"

 

Nayeon grins, "Hey, you remember!"

 

"You wouldn't stop talking about it," Jeongyeon snorts, "So how's vet school? Are you gonna set up your own practice?"

 

"Uh, I dropped out. Last year, actually."

 

"Oh."

 

"Yeah. I had to do what was best for me, I guess." She doesn't really sound like she believes it, but Jeongyeon doesn't bother pursuing the topic.

 

"What have you-" Jeongyeon cuts herself off with a yawn, and Nayeon laughs.

 

"We can talk later," Nayeon smiles, "Just sleep. I'll wake you up when we get there."

 

"Okay," Jeongyeon yawns.

 

"Hey, Jeong? One last thing." A light blush dusts Nayeon's cheeks, and it would be cute if Jeongyeon wasn't five seconds to knocking out cold. "We're okay, right?"

 

She nods blearily. "Duh."

 

She turns before she can see Nayeon's reaction, hugging her knees to her chest in a way that's definitely going to numb her legs. She doesn't care - the last few hours have been hell on her body, and all she needs now is to get to sleep.

 

 _This isn't over,_ she tells herself.

 

She hasn't felt this carefree in a long while. Stress from school has been getting to her, with deadlines and expectations piling up. Her family has been calling her non-stop too, asking her questions she's not ready to answer - questions about Sana, and her relationship with Sana, and what her father is going to think of this.

 

It could mean losing her assured position at his firm - the one thing she went to law school for. Her family knows nothing right now, of course, but news will get back to them. The implications of dropping everything and running off, and for what? To spend time with her high school bandmates? Jeongyeon knows just how much she's disappointed her father.

 

She can't bring herself to care right now. She's just had a conversation with Nayeon, and that counts for more than any job could - because it's something she thought she could never have again, something she was beginning to believe was a fanciful dream.

 

Now, she's satisfied, and she drifts off to the picture of Nayeon's smile.

 

-

 

When she wakes up, she's convinced for a moment that everything that's happened has just been a fever dream. She isn't in the back of Sana's SUV - she's living a stable, calm life, with a good job and a nice house, a house which Nayeon definitely hadn't barged through the door of the previous night.

 

Then they hit a bump in the road, and Jihyo is reminded of exactly where they are.

 

She stretches languidly, blinking away the last specks of sleep from her eyes. It's bright out. Sana and Momo are idly chatting in front of her, and she thinks she hears Nayeon's voice, too. Her phone display tells her that it's eight in the morning - she wonders if they've been driving all night.

 

Momo laughs at something Nayeon says, loudly, and suddenly they're all laughing, Sana's high-pitched giggle rising above the rest. From sputtered words and more laughter, Jihyo deduces that they're reminiscing about some clumsy thing Sana did back in the day.

 

Jihyo stares at the roof of the car, still having an internal debate about whether she should sit up. Her neck hurts from the position she'd slept in (arguably, she got the best seat in the car, having sprawled out across the entire back row). The only way to get rid of that is to get up and walk it off. The thought is enticing.

 

Pros: If she gets up, she'll get rid of the crick in her neck, she can talk to Sana and Momo and maybe catch up with Momo, too. They stopped talking after the incident, after Momo left. They had both been hurting too much to talk to each other, Jihyo because Momo reminded her Nayeon, and Momo because Jihyo reminded her of Nayeon. As a result, they haven't spoken in years.

 

(Her lip curls in disdain. This is how it always ends - with things coming back to Nayeon, with things revolving around Nayeon. They've never been able to escape it.)

 

Cons: She'll have to face Nayeon, and the fact that she's in a car with her four bandmates from high school. She made an impulsive decision, dropped everything to get into this car, and now she has to deal with the consequences.

 

Or she could just... not, decide to stay sleeping and avoid this for a while longer.

 

"Can we get breakfast?" comes Momo's voice, a little whiny, "I'm hungry."

 

"I want coffee!" Sana responds, "C'mon, Nayeonnie, let's go."

 

(Jihyo smiles at the nickname. Trust Sana to still be able to call Nayeon that, after years of not seeing her. She can only wish to be so easygoing.)  

 

"Ugh," groans Nayeon, "Fine, but we're getting pancakes."

 

"Eh?" Momo wonders out loud, "You don't like pancakes."

 

Nayeon makes a noise of affirmation, "Yeah, but Jihyo does, so we're going."

 

Jeongyeon speaks for the first time, and Jihyo can practically hear her rolling her eyes, "You think that's gonna make her less mad at you?"

 

"Maybe?" Nayeon suggests hopefully, earning another round of laughter.

 

"Speaking of Jihyo, is she awake?" Sana twists her body to peek into the backseat, and Jihyo decides that sleeping a little more wouldn't hurt.

 

-

 

Nayeon gets a text message from Mina at eight-thirty, telling her not to come back to the city.

 

"Does she hate you?" Sana asks, peering at Nayeon's screen.

 

The older woman shakes her head, "No, she cares."

 

_This is what's best for me._

 

-

 

Momo's been sulking for the past half hour. She moodily leans her head against Sana's shoulder, skating her fingers up and down her thigh, shaking her head when Sana offers her some food. Her plate lies in front of her, scraped clean, the cutlery neatly arranged beside it.

 

"I can't believe you're still hungry," Jeongyeon sighs, "I just said you couldn't get the Grand Royale Pancake Platter because it's meant for eight people."

 

"You don't know me," she moodily retorts. Jeongyeon had eventually convinced her to get the (much less cool and much less delicious) Double Delight Pancake Deluxe, with only three pancakes instead of the Royale Platter's twenty-four, reasoning that Momo would get a stomachache. She was right, of course, but Momo refuses to back down.

 

Sana just laughs, laying her hand over Jeongyeon's and smoothing over it reassuringly. They're in a booth, Nayeon and Momo on either side of Sana, and Jeongyeon and Jihyo on the other side. Things still feel surreal, but Sana adapts easy - she just keeps telling herself that this is a reunion.

 

"Hey, didn't we come here before?" she muses, realizing why the diner's name feels so familiar. "Momo got the Royale Platter that time!"

 

"And threw up on the side of the road an hour later," Nayeon chips in, laughing. 

  
Momo forgets that she's supposed to be upset, "I remember now! Jihyo tried to get us to a rest stop but I couldn't hold it in!"

 

Jihyo offers a smile that doesn't reach her eyes, and Momo beams back.

 

"Oh! And Jeongyeon tried to bring her guitar in here, but she held it sideways and it almost broke!"

 

"You have _got_ to stop telling that story to everyone you meet," Nayeon chuckles as Jeongyeon groans, and to the rest of the group, "It's Momo's favourite thing. I'm pretty sure she wooed Dahyun over with that story."

 

Jeongyeon makes a sound with her voice that sounds like a honk and a snort, "You used me to get a girlfriend?"

 

  
Sana raises an eyebrow, "You're dating someone? Why don't I know this?"

 

" _Nayeon_ ," Momo whines, burying her face in her hands. "I told you Dahyun and I aren't serious! At least, not yet."

 

"Your lockscreen is your wedding invitation."

 

"That's actually our joint tombstone," Momo corrects her.

 

"...my bad."

 

Jihyo scoffs, "This is ridiculous."

 

She stands from her seat, irritably appraising each and every one of them, "I don't know why you're all acting like this, because this is ridiculous."

 

"Jihyo-"

 

"Why are all of you pretending that everything's fine?" Jihyo asks harshly. There's no one else in the diner, save from another traveler who's asleep on his face, so Jihyo feels free to raise her voice as much as she wants. "We're just gonna sit around here trading stories as if there isn't a gigantic target on Nayeon's back?"

 

"Calm down," Momo says quietly, "We're just having fun."

 

Jihyo raises her head, sneering, "Yeah, but some of us have lives to go back to. Actual jobs, with people who need us."

 

Momo jumps to her feet, fists clenched, "Just-"

 

She catches herself before she speaks, Sana and Jeongyeon both giving her urgent looks that tell her not to pursue it. For a moment, that's exactly what she plans to do - she knows how volatile Jihyo is feeling, and how this entire situation is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. She almost decides to let the whole thing go. That's what she's good at - maintaining the peace.

 

Then her eyes settle on Nayeon. Nayeon is looking away, her face preoccupied with that familiar veneer of self-hatred and guilt again, and all her emotions return. She _hates_ it when people look like that, when they beat themselves up for things that are out of their control. She did nothing wrong.  

 

So Momo lets herself off the leash.

 

"If you hate it here so much, then just go back. You don't get to be this mad," she says, breathing as evenly as she can. "No one asked you to be here."

 

Back in high school, Momo always the tongue-tied one. She'd had the luck of getting with the four most charismatic, silver-tongued, witty people in the school - Jeongyeon was (is) sharp and witty, Sana and Nayeon both oozed charm, and Jihyo? Jihyo was always the best at it, though. She became their elected leader a mere month after the formation of the band, and could always get venues for them with a meeting or two.

 

Time's a bitch, and it must have stolen Jihyo's sharp wit, because she's at a loss for words. She's livid, staring Momo in the face so harshly it looks as if she's going to swing at her, but the moment passes, and her mouth is just opening and closing.

 

(Jihyo always said that the worst moments would be when she couldn't think of anything to say, because that would mean it was _bad_. Momo doesn't ever remember Jihyo being lost for words, not even during the incident.)

 

Jihyo turns and storms out of the diner. Momo is lightheaded.

 

Nayeon surges out of her seat, "I'll go get her-"

 

"Not a good idea," Sana shakes her head, nudging Nayeon back down and getting up, "I'll go. Will you guys be okay?"

 

"Great," Jeongyeon motions to her girlfriend to go ahead, smiling when Sana looks to her for reassurance. The smile drops when the diner's doorbell tinkles, and Jeongyeon buries her face in her hands, "We are so fucked."

 

None of them know what to say for a moment, and then another moment, and then another. Momo sits back down, the adrenaline from earlier vanishing in an instant, and plays with her fingers.

 

Jeongyeon sighs, "I'm going to settle our bill. And then we can talk, or send Jihyo home, I don't know."

 

With Jeongyeon gone, too, Nayeon's face comes into sharp focus, peering back at Momo intently.

  
"Why did you do that?" Nayeon asks.

 

And then she grabs the back of Momo's neck, and crushes their lips together.  

 

-

 

Maybe it's just because of the way Momo talks about it, but Sana's begun to think of the incident as The Incident, with the capital letters. When they do make reference to it in conversation, it's always _The Incident_ , never _the time that our close-knit group, which we thought was going to stay together for life, imploded and took everyone down with it_ , which is probably because _The Incident_ is snappier.

 

Still. Sana had never paid much attention to it, because she doesn't think of it much these days. She adapts easy. Her life had moved past their band after they graduated, and it had been a sore subject for a while, but she had moved on. Moved on to college, to greener pastures, and the newfound comfort that she and Jeongyeon had found in each other when they found themselves in the same college.

 

Initially, she'd expected Jeongyeon to remind her of the band. But Jeongyeon got through it, too. She'd get cloudy-eyed when talking about Nayeon or Jihyo for the first few months. It stopped soon enough, as college and their lives caught up with them, and as they got more caught up in each other, until eventually she wasn't talking about them at all. It'd just be monthly updates, like _Oh, Jihyo's a teacher now,_ or _I'm sure Nayeon's doing fine with her life._

 

The point is that they moved on. Sana got her degree and got a job, and Jeongyeon kept on studying. Somewhere along the line, they moved in together. They've made new friends, people like Chaeyoung who bring plenty of humour and fun into their lives. Sana's finally found some semblance of stability in her life. She has a woman who loves her, good friends, and a good job.

  
So why is she so eager to ruin all of it?

 

She can see the bricks being cleaved from the tower that is her life, one by one with every bad decision she makes.

 

This is the biggest one yet.

 

"Hey," she says gently as she catches up to Jihyo.

 

Jihyo has her back to her, staring out into the barren farmland that stretches out as far as the eye can see. She doesn't say anything in response, just exhales heavily.

 

"I'm sorry you feel shitty," Sana murmurs, standing beside Jihyo. There are tears in Jihyo's eyes. "I'm not sure what I got myself into in either."

 

"I-" Jihyo chokes, and Sana wraps her into a hug, holding her tight when she starts crying softly into Sana's shoulder. "I- I still can't forgive her."

 

"Not ever?"

 

Jihyo shakes her head, sobbing, and Sana holds her closer. Her heart aches with sympathy for the younger woman. Jihyo has had to deal with so much - being emotionally and physically scarred by the person she loved the most, before being deserted without proper closure. She hasn't moved on, not like Sana and Jeongyeon have.

 

None of them have moved on, Sana realizes now, with Jihyo crying in her arms. If they'd truly moved on, they wouldn't have come on this trip. They aren't over it. They're just trying to tell themselves that they are. She comes to this conclusion with a bitter smile, tears springing to her eyes, too.

 

(Another brick falls. The foundation of her tower is shaky.)

 

Jihyo is babbling now, hiccups disrupting her words. "I'm so scared, Sana, I- I don't know why I decided to come. It's crazy. I just felt like- like-"

 

"Like you had to?" Sana smiles wistfully. "Yeah, me too."  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i wrote it! i'm trying a new approach to my writing that involves a lot of messiness and dialogue and slowburn and drama so hopefully i'm doing that right... this is new for me because i've always done action-heavy fics. but it never hurt to change things up!! leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on this fic :D thanks for reading!


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